Welcome to my private website created for stacking my shrines pirated from internet, unsubstantiated subjective feelings, denpa and cascadingly styled bugs ♥

Here you will find lots of unpaired HTML tags, broken character entities, isolated quotation marks, spelling mistakes and stupid placeholders Photography with radical color temperature 8000K made by cellphone, emulation offclassic Macintosh (which could serve as a demonstration to my disastrous perfectionism, my obsession to details), unreadable paragraph with lots of distracting parentheses and whimsical (trilingual) rambling.dead bird This single HTML website powered by hand-crafted JavaScript will be the most search engine unfriendly website you have ever met: here page jumps are generated by onclick event, instead of HTML anchors. For more information please check the sitemap or about page.

This website could be mobile friendly if you are willing to swipe your screen horizontally. (I am not joking, it really works, I have tested on my cellphone.) For desktop user if you find the pixelated pictures are not properly rendered, please zoom in or out the page to a percentage which is a multiple of three. (This is more friendly than letting Windows user rescale a page with a ratio 66.7% or 133%, it does not work on both Micorosft Edge and Google Chrome.

2024/3/17: I am glad to receive greetings from both Neocities profile and guestbook but not do well in replying them. For me it still requires time to find more templates for socialization, although I will be 23 in May. Longing for response from outside while having problem with giving response. I am extremely shy unless talking about mathematics.

Trigger Warning

Although I hate censorship, it is still essential to announce before about my unstable mental status (literally psychosis).In this website here will be more and more graphic violence, trauma stressor, politics and improper content violating the conventionality. (Please read this paragraph if you are the manager of a webring I have submitted an application to join.)

I like unreliable saviours and their accomplices (i.e. Mamiya Takuji and Hatsutori Hajime), dislike hero, competitive sport, patriarchy, territorial restriction, aging system, hard porn...(this will be a long list..).

For decorative slogans here: even though chronically stuck in disillusion, I am still aesthetically fascinated by Mai 1968.

There will be no (komisch) writing about mathematics again (I guess). +2024/3/5: Contents related mathematics will be put into lzx.ist, another website hosted on Neocities, which is still under construction. I prefer to share just enjoy writing my personal experience with ADHD and ASD, my failed attempt to establish order, my endless bankruptcy sequence. Under these frames of neurodevelopmental disorders it is convinent to explain many things so I tend to label myself with such identities at the beginning.

If you want to leave message to me, please sign my guestbook. (I believe this one will be longlasting.) My email address is: kraehen@disroot.org

[德語] 烏鴉

[搬運…]

由破损的链接和来路不明的臭虫构成的手寫HTML新站:請使用電腦觀看(1920x1080):儘管已經消滅那些該死的<table>,它的佈局依舊不是手機友好的. (此窗口)左邊的88x31只是貼圖,彩色圖標是正常的shortcut,而灰色的圖標是網站的臨時出口 我儘可能控制圖片的大小,爲了使它可以即便在125KB/s的網速(迷霧通免費版的限速)下也可以相當流暢地打開。

藍鳥明滅[好奇怪的名字]
我的朋友們也會用「核」這個名字(來自2020)
無性戀[從G4 过渡到B6…] (關於mono/poly我還一無所知;也沒有期待過具體的伴侶關係);有過很多次純柏拉圖的暗戀[以同性為主]
作為漏網之魚的ASDer&(嫌開藥麻煩於是很少服藥的)ADHDer
喜歡: 不靠譜的救世主比如間宮卓司和初鳥創,retro UI,14px微軟雅黑,廢墟與城市,沒有窗户的房間[就像監獄??]
討厭:英雄,競技體育,父權制家庭,年齡分級,硬色情,中英文之間的刻意空格,Material Design 3,版權相關概念,地區限制(見我的Mist.html展示),微信辦公,手機驗證(包括2FA;我想,對認識這些字的人無須解釋爲什麽)

[寫於2024/3/4]放棄Hugo轉移到Neocities的動機是逐漸發現經典博客框架真的不適合我,以及由於fbc的契機重新產生了手寫HTML的念頭(…曾經也有過Neocities賬號,當時處在一種極爲厭惡自己親手做的東西尋求開箱即用的套件的狀態(Encapsulation作爲對已經無可挽回地失去的清晰完整的視野的懷念),很快就離開了,備份Hugo舊博文的時候找到了當時的ID:kernelcore,意外地發現它還能打開...儘管只有兩個倒霉佔位符).回到這裡的真正理由應該是:我對細節的執念(比如這裡絕大多數文本都是英語是因爲由於缺少合適的字體Neocities隨機生成的緩存圖片很醜陋),然後Hugo那裡對raw HTML的限制讓我感覺非常不自由;還有就是我想擺脫那種厭惡的精神狀態:我想要擺脫我自己,後來甚至嘗試過Wordpress.com,商業氣息足夠濃厚足夠覆蓋我所留下的痕跡.(所以看到“做你自己”這類心靈鷄湯的時候就會發笑)……當然這種對自己改造痕跡的厭惡和面對那張關於產後撕裂的芒果圖時出現的對自己的存在這件事本身的厭惡(生命從未如此可憎!)是兩個彼此無關的概念。
奇怪的是,我在網絡中所展現出的樣子和現實中所顯露出的有著很大的差異:現實裡我總是很快樂就像一個小小的神(很不可思議).
關於身份認同:我從未想過擺脫中國大陸人的身份因爲我性格中許多病態的因素來源於此,我眷戀這些病態就像鳥眷戀籠(如果你能明白...)。

追加於2024/3/14 雖然我也在這裡寫日誌(rambling.txt)但它已經幾乎被我用成了摘抄本(打開你會發現全都是千高原)。我的絕大多數文字都存放在右邊這個B6尺寸的手帳本裡(沒想到今年用B6真的做到了每天都寫滿(話少的時候就多換行)。去年用的是A6但中間留下很多空白頁。知道這個網站又看得懂中文的基本上都是認識很久的朋友了,所以沒有寫中文版的免責聲明。最近爲簽證的事非常焦慮。已經是第七周了還是沒有寄過來。每天都查好幾遍物流。打電話到簽證處結果只有電話錄音用三種語言告訴我簽證處不提供電話諮詢服務。沒有任何辦法只能等。從去年六月到現在幾乎都在等待中度過。等APS等簽證等錄取。每天都期待著轉機:如果我能重新啓動我的數學生活結束這一潭死水的狀態。因爲只有在靈感的震顫中我才能夠感覺到自己是活著的。

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